


Beautiful Mind

by slyferris (Ethsei)



Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ
Genre: Angst, Anorexia, M/M, Self-Harm, broken!homin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-17
Updated: 2014-11-17
Packaged: 2018-02-25 16:54:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2629244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ethsei/pseuds/slyferris
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What do you do when you have a mind that wants to destroy you?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Beautiful Mind

Back light, dim cities drowned in low set smoke, billowing from the chimneys we preach to hate, but consume from. Thousands of cars passing, passing, moving and never stopping for the city lights.

The darkness it takes.

He sits and he watches, everyone’s lives running passed, running out, dead ink bleeding from their hearts and eyes with which they can’t see the travesty, the devastation that runs behind closed doors, and he hates himself for not looking away.

The window squeaks as he fingernails rake down it, because it’s all too much; the outside is all too much and he can’t stop, he can’t stop the aching thoughts in his brain, chewing and spitting out regurgitated nonsense he’s heard millions of times before, his mind gearing and drilling, showing him demons he’s too afraid to see.

But he stares, and he stares and stares until he looks to his unclothed thighs, littered with cuts and scratches from whatever the fuck he could find, and he thinks of infomercials, and the guy he saw on the T.V, and how he looks nothing alike, and he hates himself, wishing to be skinnier. 

 

And a part of him says, you’ll never be skinny enough. 

He sees everything he should be but can’t be, and it eats him up inside.

 

When the sun is chewed up by the horizon, and his house is dark, he thinks of the man he used to love, so far away, longing over in the distance like a thousand setting suns, because he’s gone now. He couldn’t deal with the shit; Changmin’s coffee stained tongue and bile ridden mouth, smelling of the food he didn’t eat.

And it kills him inside that it’s a distant memory, but everything is a distant memory to him in this beat down, dark black apartment, tucked away from the city lights, crying in the shadows.

 

And Changmin thinks,

 

This world is full of shit.


End file.
